Claire

Stiffed again.  I could not wait tables any longer.  The obvious solution? Move to New York City and attend fashion school.  Six months after making this decision, I served my last table and began scouring through craigslist for a place to live.

Two bedroom converted. Bedroom is 7’ x  9’, no windows, but charming early century walk-up.  Full-size refrigerator in the kitchen. Unfurnished. We share hallway coat closet for clothing storage.

$ too much.

Mature 29-yr-old female looking for quiet, responsible roommate.  Must be away during business hours as I work from home.  No late nights.  No guests.  No kitchen privileges. Cat-lover is a must.

$ yeah right.

FREE RENT! Male seeks female roommate for severely discounted or free rent in midtown studio.  Compensated by you occasionally walking around in your underwear, no physical relationship, I just want to look.  $ rape is not rent.

Animal-loving widow seeks responsible roommate to occupy 12’ x 15’ upper west side bedroom.  Private bathroom, windows, furniture, walk-in closet, utilities, internet + cable included.  I have two lovable pets, a large dog and a cat.  Pre-war doorman building 1 block from central park. 

$ yes please!

Though I contacted over 100 of these postings (excluding the underwear perv), the choice was clear.  Gay, the craigslist “widow”, returned my email, drilled my references, and finally called me.  I had made the cut—just 10 days before I was to haul all my belongings 831 miles from the quaint southern charm of Chattanooga, Tennessee to big city bustle.

What a difference a year can make!

Did you ever notice that the years seem to fly by more quickly the older we get?? Do you think it has something to do with the % of your lifetime that year represents?  When you were 6, a year was about 25% of the lifetime you could remember.  So it seemed to take it 's sweet time getting through seasons, to holidays and birthdays...  Now its in the low single digits as a %...
Anyway, to update you:
Anna finally sold the Dorm. ( sob!) and she and I moved uptown to a nice new apartment in the sky.
Less charm, more light but Dorm-mates were scarce to be found. The only other person Anna and I have actually living here, doesn't.  She is a doctor that lives a long train ride away and keeps a room with us for emergencies. So far, not ONE emergency. And frankly, we miss the additional stimulation! We had hopes that a winter snowstorm might bring her to our door for a night, but alas.... nada!  We called her "the Phantom".
Ruby is back home, in Washington, and works part time in LA. We miss her like crazy!
Claire is all grown up with a real boyfriend and a great job in the fashion industry. They come to visit, not frequently enough, but always with the familiar laughter returning easily.
I had put together a consulting project for another apparel company in NY. Nice people, but didn't want to pay what I really needed. So when I got an offer to return to Dallas with a company I knew, in a lucrative executive position, I  made the difficult decision to move on.
What will the next chapter bring to each of the members of the Dorm?

If you have enjoyed reading some of our adventures ( with the names changed to protect the guilty)
Post a comment and let us know what you liked or didn't, as we are considering putting our memoirs into a book called "The Dorm".
Thanks!
XXOO
Meredith

Transition
Wow! We have so much to tell you!
The business that Ruby and I started was going so well... then the company that was financing us ran out of money.... It happens in the apparel business. So... Ruby and I are unemployed for now. That means Ruby is now back home with her family and the Dorm is a quieter, more sober place. Oh how we miss her! Her eggplant Targine and chicken thighs were THE BEST!
I am working on a consulting business, the dorm sale is once again in question. So Anna and I are anxious to find out what the future will hold.
We have a new roommate from Berlin who is gorgeous and talented as a film maker and reporter! Her friend Anna is here, also from Berlin, visiting so the Dorm again has an international flavor and a new level of class and entertainment! Tonight we shared Lemoncello, as Anna peeled organic lemons on the couch, we inhaled the magnificent fragrance and sipped the last of the original lethal batch.
The last time the lemoncello was out in the open was a few weekends ago. Anna and I were by ourselves for a change and decided to have a serious cocktail and share stories of our youth. It was almost like a small intimate game of "truth or dare", as we compared numbers and escapades. Then after a few more sips, we dropped a few names, when much to our surprise, we discovered we had shared a partner!  What does that make US???  ...Like "sister wives" ,but since we were not married or Morman, I guess it's "Sister Sluts"...But we really weren't THAT bad.  We just,  apparently, have the same taste in meaningless sex with a guy we knew who was charming and hilariously funny! Those were the days...after the establishment of women's lib, and "free love" and before AIDS.  Sport fucking was a socially acceptable activity if done with discretion,  good manners and a lighthearted attitude.. .
But what way it this for a sophisticated and classy 60 something professional business woman to talk???
Forgive me ladies....
It's no wonder that I heard our latest Dorm mate describe us as a cross between "Sex in the City" and "Golden Girls"!  Can you imagine?!!!!

Back by poular demand

Hi, It's Merdith the Blog Hog! I guess I'm the designated driver of this project. Thanks for your comments and for wanting more of our stories! I guess we have been so involved with living our great adventures that we forgot to stop and document them for posterity. So here goes.... Clair has left us! Left the "Nest", more acurately, to seek her fortune in the big city with her own kind (25 year olds). She has double degrees, graduated from Parsons with flying colors, and no thanks to the bad economy, is treading water as a waitress (not that there is anything wrong with that). I know she is dissapointed she hasn't found the right job in the fashion business where she belongs. It's the industry's loss! But the fashion industry is hurting right now.... Her stories always involve the "lamour du Jour" and she is enjoying finding herself as she learns more about the realities and wonders of the personal side of NY life. She's a darling and we know she will wind up very well. But we miss her!!! The next occupant of the room in the corner was Annick, from Belgium, working here for a few months doing training at the UN. What a lovely person she is! For starters, she brought us Belgia chcolates that were to LIVE for! So she was immediately our new best friend! She jumped right into our routine and cooked some fabulous Belgian dishes which we thoroughly enjoyed. Toward the end of her stay , her boyfriend and her best girlfriend friend came to NY to see the sights with her. What amazed me most, was the evening we were all together having wine and conversaition about a myriad of topics that somehow managed to circumvent language, age and cultural barriers. We chatted and joked just like old friends. One of the more memorable experieces at the dorm! Annick has come and gone, a former resident came back for a few months and then went home and so now, we actually have a vacancy for a month! On to the next adventure as the chemisty changes with a new member July 1. Stay tuned... Anna has actually SOLD the Apartment which houses our Dorm family. So early FAll we will be looking for another 3 bedroom so we will not have to miss the excitment of meeing new people and having our Dorm adventures. Lots more to catch up on so I'll be back in a few days! to visit and see the sights

Holiday at the Dorm

Our very ecclectic Dorm "Family" had an equally ecclectic holiday season.
Since all of us (except Anna) are in transition..either moving, graduating, getting a new job, or new home or new status, we focused on unique experiences that did not make us long for "Christmas past".
We started in November; just "pre-season" and had a dinner party. We decided we needed a break, and what better break than a party. So Party- Break is a Fiesta Siesta, right?
The Fiesta Siesta was just what we needed! Something to look forward to something to plan and something to celebrate! We reviewed and fine tuned the menu and the guest list and before long it was here! 10 people for dinner with festive music, great food and wonderful conversation! It was exhilerating! And dessert! We had Mohito or Cranberry gelato... aren't we sophisticated???
Next stop, Thanksgiving!
Anna was here with friends. Claire and Ruby were back home with family. As the newly divorced one, I made the only rational choice: I went to Cabo!!
It was such a warm and fabulous week, I may just start a new tradition of being very non traditional on Thanksgiving! Next year, you're ALL invited to create a new tradition!

Christmas was almost upon us, and despite the tight economic conditions that all of us found ourselves in this year, Anna was somehow able to provide a lovely live tree. She and Claire managed to get it set up relatively well, considering the broken tree holder. It was ALMOST straight. While our hearts were in the right place, Ruby and I should have probably tried to correct the "lean" BEFORE we had a few glasse of wine. We worked on our backs (with very little satisfaction) for about 30 minutes under the pine needles only to make it worse.
When Anna came back she found our tree leaning in the corner. We were so humiliated that we made sure to buy a new tree holder and some ornaments to have it be Charlie Brown picture perfect the next night when Anna came in from her big date night out. We celebrated our success with chocolate!

Ok. We have modest decorations, a few sented candles and a large place to have a holiday party. Just because we had limited funds should NOT stop us from having a Christmas party. After all, we did it when we were young and single! It's called a "pot luck" brunch! All invied parties agreed. We supplied bacon, Cosmopoitan punch and good Christmas music. The gang brought other goodies and lots of hugs and laughter. We caught up and played Balderdash over group therapy and had a wonderful day!

I guess we needed to now that no matter what your circumstaces, you can find a way to bring the holidays into your "Home du jour" as well as your heart!

Happy New Year!
Make it count!
Love,
Meredith

"Landscaping" trends in the 21st century

It's Meredith again. I know I'm a blog hog, so please post a comment and ask for the rest of the gang to chime in.
Anyway, here I am looking at a momentous birthday coming up in a few days and pondering pretty much everything. One year ago, I thought I was reasonably happily married, and now I am ever so much MORE happily unattached. I'm dating and having a better time than I had 30 years ago, and learning how much more is possible for me (and for any of us) to have in our lives, if we just make it happen. It starts with caring enough about ourselves not to settle for too much less than we deserve.
But I digress...
So finding myself in a bit of a time warp on the dating scene, I decided to broach the subject of trends and etiquette in the dating world today with our youngest Dorm resident. Claire was more than happy to fill me in. Much of it had not changed that drastically (thank heavens!) Then I decided to delicately approach the subject of personal grooming. I had begun to sense from watching "Two and A Half Men" and other contemporary TV shows, that there had been some changes in...shall we say "landscaping".
My instincts were correct! She informed me that "shrubbery" was not only out of fashion, but that she and her friends didn't have any at all!
Wow! The last minimal bit of proper modesty, now gone! If I were to maintain the level of fashion awareness and sophistication in that arena that I try to achieve in my outward appearance, I'll be relegated to going back to looking like a 12 year old girl! And what if the older generation I hang out with are not up to speed on these trends when the big moment finally arrives?? Will they think I have cancer or something???
Choices, choices...
Convinced by Linney that there WAS a potential love life after 50 something I decided to try out a few new looks and see what felt right.
Hedge trimmers in hand, I began the task of baring what had been modestly, and comfortably shaded for 40+ years. HMMM...Easier said than done.
Well let me tell you, I went through 2 trimmers, terrified with each clip that I would remove more than I bargained for. Brazilian? Not enough. I finally got my shrubbery down to a finely manicured goatee. Nooo...That's weird. Keep snipping...Soul patch? Not me at all. So I kept at it until I reached pre-puberty once again.
There is only one problem.... everything else in the mirror was anything but pre-pubescent! OMG! What have I done???
Ok, get a grip. Lights would, of course be off (please tell me THAT hasn't changed!) so I need to just be brave and go with it. After all, it takes courage to wear a strapless dress doesn't it?  But we do it for fashion... and I was all about THAT.

Moving on, I woke up the next morning feeling like a hip young chic all the way down to my toes! Then I got out of bed and started walking to the bathroom and noticed that it felt scratchy down there...like there was a Brillo pad in my underwear. OH NO! A bristly 5:00 shadow clinging to my VS cheeky underwear! This would never do!

Back to Claire...oh waxing! Wax..?...That? Surely you jest!
The last time I had a close bikini wax, I realized that as you get older, you skin gets less elastic, and that somehow the skin has a tendency to stay with the wax. I'm afraid it would leave scars...

Nair? Not on your life! Why did things need to be so complicated??

Eventually, I found my own style of  closely manicured shrubbery enhanced by weekly deep conditioning treatments. Just like a new born kitten! If that isn't welcoming enough, I quit!

So now that "kitty-girl" and I are completely ready for the next chapter of my new life, all I have to do is to actually join e-harmony or pray for a "Friend with benefits"! Animal lovers- a must!

Life can still be exciting when you are ready for anything!

Happy Birthday to me!

Stepping outside your comfort zone

Things have been a little quiet at the Dorm, so we were glad when Linny stopped by Friday night for "Group therapy" (which is what others may call "cocktail hour") We were anxious to hear how she was feeling in the aftermath of her "friend with benefits" adventure.
"Well", she said,"I found myself eating more chocolate than ever, and desperately wanting another dose of "benefits", and as luck may have it, my new best friend came back into town again last week. I was so excited about my new found sexuality that I wanted to make the most of it. I decided that it would be really provocative if I showed up at his hotel in a trench coat and sexy underwear (and nothing else!)
Wow, this was NOT the Linney WE knew. But good for her! We would never have the guts...
"So how did THAT work for you?" we asked.
Well the first thing I had to do was to buy some underwear worthy of the venue. Mine was all pretty orthopedic looking..doing the job on the inside, but nothing much to look at. So I took a deep breath and ventured into the vast frontier of ...Victoria's Secret on Herald Square.
"OHHHH!" we said. "That was challenging! 2 stories of every kind of lace trimmed contraption that lifts, seperates, pushes up and pulls in that you could ever imagine..Where does one begin????
"I found my way to the section for women that DO NOT need the extra push up padding. They had a whole department for me. $150 later I walked our proudly with my pink VS bag, feeling like a real hot young chic from the "in"`crowd. I shopped at Victoria's Secret. I had a SEX life! After a very, very, very, long time, I had finally ARRIVED!!!!
Step 2 of Operation Hot chic was to figure out how I would manage to show up at the hotel as I had envisioned. It seemed simple enough. All I had to do was take my outer clothes off in the restroom office and get from my office to hotel in my new sexy underwear, garter belt and stockings. Well, I had not worn a garter belt since I was 14. Pantyhose were invented shortly after and I never looked back. It would be like riding a bike! But just the same, I figured I would leave the garter belt until the end of the day.
I was so anxious all day I was sliding off my chair. Counting down the hours...Then the call! He was at the airport! Then, he's at the hotel!
"Do you mind if I stop by before we go out and drop off a bag?" I asked innocently. Bingo! I was ready for the execution phase!
Bring overnight bag and leather trench coat discretely to the ladies room. I forgot how small these stalls were!
Clothes off. Garter belt on. How do these things go again? One size fits all? I don't THINK so! But I WILL make it work! They won't be on long (I hope). Carefully roll up $12 stockings with the seam in the back. Don't remember them being quite this tight at the upper thigh...whoa!That's all the higher they will go up? Well, ok. So where are the little thingies to hook them up to? Appareltly VS did not account for the more ample booty of some of the "all" that their "one size was supposed to fit, and by the time I got the hook over my ass there was at least a 3"vacume to the top of the stocking. After a few mintues of twisting turning and almost gymnastic type adjustments, I got the front one hooked. Confidence buoyed but this accomplishment, I reached around the back, only to find that on of the garters was missing. It had either become disengaged when I was struggling to connect the first one or it had come that way from the store . Ok. No way to salvage this part of the plan. I looked down at my nursing home white legs laced with spider veins and thought, "I don't care how trendy it is to go bare legged, these babies are not ready for the light of day." I'll just stop and buy panthose.
Last finishing touch, a strand of pearls. I always feel less naked with pearls! It adds a nice touch of class and will make me feel less "hookerish". Ok wrap twice...then I got them caught in my hair. Just one little tug and...the sound of a dozen or so white plastic baubbles spilling all over the restroom floor. Thank God no one else was there. Ok plan B on the pearls had to be "No pearls".
So I guess that was it. Thankfully I realized that the trench coat was a little snug this year and opened all the way up to Disneyland when I walked, so I pulled on a black skirt. But what kind of an impact would it be to take off my coat and still be partially clothed? This plan was getting watered down to the extent that maybe I should save it for later.
So as I stopped by Duane Reade and bought pantyhose, my phone was buzzing because I was now 20 minutes late. Nice. This guy flys to NY to have a date with me and I keep him waiting 20 minutes.I asked the clerk where the restroom was so I could slip on the pantyhose and be on my way. "It's just down the street at the other Duane Reade".
So I did what anyone else would do in my situation, I found what appeared to be a deserted row in the store and very discretly started putting on my pantyhose. I was on the second leg in the most compromising position when a man came around the corner. Eyes opened wide, he quickly backed up and to the next asile! At least someone got a cheap thrill tonight!
So I showed up at his door, dressed like a lady and did not surprise him at all, but it did not keep the evening from being every bit as wonderful as the first! ( and he DID appreciate the underwear eventually!)
We were happy to see Linny so happy. She tod good stories, too!
The moral of the story that we took away:
It's good to get out of your comfort zone ( especially when you are our age!) Just know your limitations!

Go for it!
Meredith

Friends with benefits

The Dorm is not totally exclusive to the 4 of us. There are a wide variety of  "associates" and a very few honorary members. In order to become an honorary member, one must meet stringent requirements, like staying over night with us, drinking with us, sharing all their secrets and cooking for us!  Bringing dark chocolate as the hostess gift pushes it over the top!
Anyway, we had a new honorary member a few weeks ago, and I got permission to share her experience with the "friends with benefits" concept. I think she's really onto something!
Linny was divorced and had had a very tough few years. We had told her for a long time that she had not been treated well and deserved better, urging her to leave, but people make their moves in their own time.  Anyway, while she was beginning to get back on her feet and feel more optimism about life, she had still lost all confidence in her ability to ever have a romantic relationship again.
So a few weeks ago, she had plans to meet with a long time business associate who was coming to NY.  They had always liked each other, on the very most professional level. He had business in town and wanted to catch up over dinner. Innocent enough...
Well, apparently they had a wonderful time, comparing their experiences over the years and in the process of laughing more than either of them had in awhile, Linny started to feel something very unusual. It was after they confessed that neither of them had had any sex or love in their life for 5+ years that the idea took hold. One test kiss indicated that there was more than adequate chemistry. So, as you can guess, they made a very practical decision to end their mutual drought....
As Linney gazes out over the dining room table with a big sigh and a lovesick look in her eyes, we all say: "GO ON! GO ON!..."
She said  "well if that was good sex, then I must have never had anything like it before! It was WONDERFULLLLL... We knew she must really like him because she wouldn't give us more details, but she did say. He is my new BEST friend. I couldn't be more grateful if he had give me a kidney!

We were really happy for her! She hadn't looked so relaxed in years...

So here's the news flash: it's big world out there and as we try to make our way without any more humiliation or failure than necessary, sometimes all you really need is a little help from your friends.

Meredith

Dorm Update

Anna had a BIG birthday last month which now spreads the age range of the Dorm residents to 5 decades. Who would believe it??? None of us look a day over 49. And Clair is clearly 20 something (and making the most of it, I might add).
Speaking of which, is it a NY thing or a youth thing to go out at 11 to begin your evening? I guess in a small town where I grew up, 11 was curfew and if found walking the streets after 12 ( because everything closed by 12) Chief Merle Heffelman would pick you up, take you home in his squad car and wake your parents up to witness your shame.  Of course, back in the day, shame was nothing compared to the "Wrath of MOM".  Besides a good dose of corporal communication, the chores and punishments alone were enough to make you want to volunteer for Vietnam! How things have changed!
We are so proud of Claire! She has managed to balance an active social life with school an still win an impressive internship with the best fashion design name in the industry! Ahhhh! To be all that and young, too!
Ruby's move is almost complete, so when she moves to her dream house, we'll see where the Dorm and NY fit in .
Anna's apartment is still for sale. We both fear and anticipate every new showing. We want for her to sell and move on to what she needs ( but in the end it IS all about us. What will we do without the dorm????)...thus the fear part.
I'm moving on, as my divorce is final and I'm still friends with my ex, but beginning to more fully appreciate being an X. Our relationship had become toxic for us both.  I actually met a nice man on-line, and have been absolutely amazed at how touched I am by someone being kind and attentive. I'm still ALIVE in there! WOHOO! Who knew?!!!
So as we all anxiously await the next chapter, it is with great hopes for the future, having the solid support of great friends!
Hug a friend today!
Meredith

Change- if it doesn't kill you it will keep you young

What is it about human nature that makes us want the occasional change, but fear it at the same time?
Getting divorced after 26 years of marriage is quite a change. Thank God I have had my supportive friends in the dorm and in other parts of the world to have gotten me through the worst part of "processing". Losing my dream house and actually moving lock, stock and shoe racks to NYC in the next thing on the agenda to try to accept with grace (and a little wine).
Anna is about to put her coop apartment of 30 something years on the market ( so even the Dorm is about to change!)
Ruby is finalizing a move from Los Angles to the outback of Washington state, 3 hours from the nearest airport. For a city girl who still needs to work in NY, a significant challenge that comes along with her dream house.
Claire is starting her internship at Ralph Lauren and is planning to spread her wings and move out with her young friends in a communal apartment. (Who will we have to "mother"???)
I guess, whether you PLAN a major change or it sneaks up and blindsides you, getting friendly with it will help the transition. There is no point in lamenting the loss of the comfort of routine. Comfort is, after all, overrated. No one ever did anything awesome by being totally comfortable with their life.
So if DISCOMFORT is a motivator, look out world! We're heading out of our comfort zone!
If you ever wake up and realize you've had toast every morning for breakfast for the past 120 days, you could be headed for trouble!
I'm going to lose 20 pounds, start feeling beautiful again kick ass and not take names at my job and make a difference in my world! Hold me accountable. Check in again soon!
You go girls!
XXOO
Meredith

Hellooooo....Mellow Yellow, Lemon Cello

A few weeks ago, Anna started talking about making some homemade Lemon Cello (pronounced Chello) for us. She explained that it was a very special liqueur, that is only authentic if made from scratch.  She travelled to Italy at least once a year, and happened to have a stash of pure Italian grain alcohol for that purpose ( But we didn't know that at the time!)  A few days later, we noticed two large bags of lemons and a few days after that, Anna introduced us to her delicious concoction. Awesome! Tastes like the best lemon drop martini ever!
I'd savor a very small glass over ice before I went to bed once in awhile. But we felt, with all the trouble she went to making this "taste of heaven"  we should probably save it for special occasions.
Well, last week was one of those spontaneous occasions where dinner took an extra long time to prepare so Ruby and I had "support group" ( which is another term for Cocktail hour) ad cracked open a bottle of wine before dinner. Dinner was excellent, as always, and the three of us got into some very amusing and witty conversations . Before we knew it , bottle one was gone and Ruby, never missing a beat had our glasses filled with Bottle #2 ( BTW, we buy the large economy sized ones- better on the budget).
The conversation did get around to some pretty heavy stuff, since we're going through a wide variety of stressful situations and even crises in our lives at the Dorm ( not the least of which, my divorce). As the last drops poured out of our back-up bottle, we were just getting some good therapy going, and were trying to figure out our next move, when Anna suggested we get out the Lemon Cello.
The last thing I remember was saying "we can't do that!" (meaning we CAN'T drink liqueur after all that wine). Anna thought I didn't want to drink her special hand made recipe, but save it for guests, so she said " why not????" 
That really WAS the last thing I remember.  When I woke up the next morning, we were already 30 minutes late for work. I could barely see, so a quick trip to the bathroom to drink a quart of water out of the faucet, then I looked up and saw that my eyes were almost swollen shut. I woke Ruby and ( like a nightmare about waking up in Hangover 2) said " What the h... happened last night??
She fell out of bed looking quite disoriented and when she got used to the light enough to open her eyes, said
"I think we shouldn't have had Lemon Cello". 
"We drank Lemon Cello??" From the other room, Anna moaned "Yep. All of it!".
Then ... "I'm SO glad you guys are alive! I thought it might have killed you."
"But why are my eyes swollen shut??"
"Oh...You had a meltdown," said Ruby.  "A gut-wrenching, soulful, self-flaggelation about all the mistakes you made and how your life is a mess and it's a your fault- MELTDOWN."
But I didn't remember any of it.
"Believe me, you don't want to know... suffice it to say you should feel better for having gotten it out of your system".
But there was more stuff that needed to get out of my system, so I drank another quart of water, and searched the recesses of my memory for when I had felt this hungover in the past 30 years, and what I had done about it. OMG!
Anna later told us that Lemon Cello is made with Imported 195% proof Italian grain alcohol. Even diluted with some lemon zest and sugar, it was clearly our of our league.
We suffered through the day and at dinner that night , briefly wondered if the Betty Ford Clinic would give us a group rate...
Lesson learned.

Mother's Day in the Dorm

In keeping with our philosophy of always creating something to look forward to, we decided to have our own Mother's day celebration at the Dorm, even though none of us would be near our kids (and some of us don't even have kids other than the 4 legged kind). Why sit around and crochet while crying in our tea???

So it was the 4 of us plus Gay's friend Mary, who is a hoot. She lost her only daughter a few years go so we weren't sure she would come, but I know she's glad she did.

At Brunch time it magically came together  as if little elves were working all night. Flowers on the table, a card from the youngest member of the dorm, made out to "my 3 Moms" pancakes with fresh strawberries, brown sugan and whipped cream and two pounds of decadent BACON, fried crispy, with no guilt on the side! Oh yeah and wine, wine, wine. We started out with Mimosa's but how far does a bottle of champaign go split 5 ways???Really?

So to go with our wine and dessert chocolate, we decided to see how creative and devious our friends really were... We broke out the game of Balderdash, and found that we are all first class pervaricators!  We played and laughed and drank and never ONCE felt sorry for ourselves. In fact it was one of the best days ever, because we made somethnig happen with our goood friends!
Who needs TV? Who needs movies? When we have our friends to entertain us!

Man of the House

We had one of our many friends come to dinner a few weeks ago to experience the Dorm for herself, over  lovely dinner of lamb chops, butternut squash ravioli with browned butter and one of Anna's heavenly salads.
Of course, the Dorm dog, Jersey, gave her the typical "I-can-tell-you're-a-dog-lover" rousing welcome, complete with slobering kisses and finishing with a subtle but heartfelt leg hug "dance". He sat with her to make her feel at home, while giving each of us our due amount of attention, by putting a paw on each hand when he wants a pet.
My friend obvserved that as we sat down to dinner, Jersey sat on the floor at the head of the table (He's a big pup so his head is well above the table line) and watched the interaction with interest.
It's a big job he's got! Taking care of all of these women!  ...Making us feel someone is overjoyed when we come home, being sensitive to the one who is the most emotionally needy at any given time, to gently lay his paw on their hand in an understanding way or lay his head on our lap. Keeping each of us in good spirits at all times is a daunting task, but Jersey seems to take it seriously. Each of us is special to him and he makes us feel like his world is more complete since we're there! 
He is the man of our house and we have never felt so appreciated!
Thanks, Jersey!

Looking forward to something

OK. The snow has stopped, at least for the weekend, and all of us take it as an omen of new beginnings.  Ruby and I have been travelling in different directions and are happy to be back at the Dorm together with nna and Clair.
Ruby made a fantasastic dinner last night, but the best part is always the second glass of wine and the lost art of conversation over a leisurely meal. We're planning our next projects, an apartment rehab, the possibility of having Thanksgiving in Cabo and our next wild and crazy Spa girls weekend in Palm Springs.
It doesn't matter that some of these ventures might not actually materialize. What matters is that we must ALWAYS have things to look forward to!
Anna has been making some awesome breakfasts with at least two cups of her orgsamic coffee elixer with vanilla silk and a never ending stream of conversational topics. For instance, Ruby was going through fashion magazines to make an inspiration board for the Fall line, and we teased her about stopping to scratch and sniff every perfume sample she came to , until she actually got a painful paper cut on her nose! Injured in the line of duty! I wonder if workers comp applies?
So I look forward to seeing her inspiration board, look forward to losing 10 pounds before Spa Girls weekend, look forward to the line hitting $2 million in bookings. I even look forward to what new turn our conversaton will take at the next Dorm dinner (or breakfast)!
It's good to start looking forward again!
Meredith

Just go with it

I saw the movie last night with Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler called "just go with it" and it reminded me of how often, in order to keep our sanity and equilibrium, we need to tell ourselves the same.
When I came home at Christmas after working my tail off to get this business started, my husband of 26 years, told me he was not happy with the arrangement of me being gone all the time. He is, after all, 11 years younger than me and has different "social needs" that I do. He wanted fun and romance and hot sex and would not settle for anything less, so brought up the D word... I was devastated.
Just to give you background, my husband and I had worked for the same company. He lost his job 2 1/2 years ago which was a huge financial loss for us, and the burden fell on me for supporting the family and making ends meet.  Then as our company went belly up I lost my job in the process and was looking frantically to  put together a business plan to get a job ( Looking for a job in the fashion industry when you're over 50 is like auditioning to be the Sports Illustrated swimsuit model when you're 30 lbs overweight and have leprosy. You might as well be dead!)  But I did everything I could think of , including taking a part time job doing demo's at Sam's club while flying back and forth to Florida to visit my terminally ill Mother ( Dad had just died the year before)  There was no stress! Right! I actually wonder how I even got out of bed every day! Hot sex was not on my list of priorities or even on my list and had not been for awhile. It was survival only... Taking care of my husband consisted of supporting both of us, trying to help him keep up his morale, ( including sending him on a golf vacation with his buddies and encouraging him to visit his cronies at the local pub once a week,  putting up with his bad moods and anger and keeping us out of bankruptcy.   I thought I was being a good partner, and even gave him a job he really wanted as sales rep for the new company. Apparently that fell woefully short of his expectations, and in my absence he had already moved on.
So here I am, going on 60 with savings and 401K depleted from the events of the past few years, starting over with nothing and no one to ever take care of ME for a change. I could go with the feeling of being used, and abandoned. It would be easy to go with being angry, and even vindictive by firing his ass...( If you want to live without me so bad, then get your own job!) Despite the obvious joys of being with good friends at the Dorm, I have spent a fair share of weekends curled up in a fetal position trying to deal with the emotions that I am finally starting to feel from all of the losses of the past few years.
But in the end, I have to Thank God for the warm supportive friends I have in my life and as I count my blessings I'm staring to see that they would not BE my friends if our relationship had been as one sided as my marriage was. So I'm going to chose to "just go with it" and be grateful that he took the initiative to get what he wanted, because I would have never gone there for myself.
Sometimes "going with it" is the best possible path we could choose!

Meredith, the Optimist

Back in my sunny So Cal, I need to tell you about my friend, and, mentor.

Meredith was the employer that hired me, in what I refer to as my first "Big Girl Job".  She gave me a chance to prove my "chops" as a designer.  That entailed much more than I bargained for.  I did not have a clue.  That, I learned very fast.  I needed that job, and  was determined not to get fired.  I usually left the office in tears, and felt like the failure I was. Then I listened, and learned...alot.

Business is not design school, and anyone who thinks they can sit in an ivory tower and make gorgeous designs, should choose another career
..
Fast forward 2 years, and I was her  protegy.  Fast forward  6 months, and we were both out of a job.  Company closed.  Nice.  She made a deal with the company that bought the label, and we had jobs again!!  Thank you, thank you, Meredith, the ultimate business woman.

We went our separate ways, staying in touch, and became friends. (much, much, more on this later).

Stuff happened, and  fast forward 20@#&#@ years, and here we are again.  Meredith has given me a new start in a business that chews you up and spits you out.  She does not know the meaning of fail, and that  drive and optimism is why success is the only option for  her.  It is not an easy road; not everyone understands what it takes.  There is no doubt in my mind that Meredith will prevail.  It is her faith and belief in herself and those she chooses to work with that will ensure that!!  Yea, that I am 1 of the chosen.  Onward and upward
. 
What a great journey.

none of us are normal

So obviously you can see what we're dealing with in Claire. We love her dearly, and in our own way will help her deal with her eccentricities. None of us are normal, so why does she think she's so special???  Because  she hasn't figured that out yet.  That's all!
Anna will not eat two different meats in one dish.
Ruby considers herself a "dog whisperer" and goes into a deep depression if she meets an animal that doesn't instantly bond with her.  Last night we watched a  movie in which the good guy was kidnapped and being tortured by having rats all over him eating his body. Ruby was most worried about what the cops would do to the rats when they found them munching away .
I am way too close to my weirdness to even be able to identify all of it, but I'm sure it's there. Don't even have to give it a name!
I guess if you can realize that none of us are "normal" ,( nor would we WANT to be), we can come one step closer to the ever elusive self-acceptance and even self-love.
I'm convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that this dorm is extremely loveable,  and special ,each and every one!
But "normal" we are not! ( and proud of it!)

Playing with Food

We sat down for a twist on our usual "dorm dinner" the other night.  Anna had pleasantly laid out an array of Mediterranean hors'dourves to lure us to the always delicious table.  The menu boasted tzatziki, pita chips, hummus, some chicken/bean stuff, fresh strawberries, and a delicious salad.  As I elevated one more pita chip smothered in tzatziki to my mouth, one of the roomies blurted out, "I'm so proud of you for eating all this! Look, you guys, she LIKES it!"


In my mind, I'm one of the least picky eaters ever.  My taste limitations only exclude three things: olives, green pepper, cashews.  Seriously. That's it.  Unfortunately, only I will ever believe this statement.


The dorm has grown accustomed to my 'preferences'.  (1) I've been lactose intolerant my entire life.  It's pretty much miserable because I suffer from an addiction to cheese and ice cream.  So no dairy for me without my trusty lactase enzyme pills.  (2) Two-point-five years ago, I chose to adopt a vegetarian diet, suffering a touch of PTSD from academic research on factory farming, a past roommate's bout with food poisoning (from chicken), and the horrendous ozone layer of our suffocating planet.  (3) Since high school, most of my stress has led to psychosomatic symptoms in the form of headaches and stomach issues.  Luckily, though I still fail to manage my stress levels, I do know what foods make this condition worse or better at the time of infliction.  (4) I hate hate hate germs, especially on my food.  I won't eat something that has touched my {or anyone else's} fingers, dirty silverware, or potentially contaminated surfaces.


Sure, I'm a little neurotic, particular, and stubborn, but I really do LOVE food and so a 'picky eater', I consider myself not.  I will taste most things once, and most things I taste I like.  My poor deprived tastebuds have just been assigned to the wrong tongue--in a body that doesn't agree with their flavorful preferences.


--Claire

Feeding the soul

I've had 4 good years of marriage.  The bad news is, I've been married 25 years. So the Dorm get-away is like a breath of fresh air  for me! Lots of laughs and people who work hard, play hard and actually take their eyes off the TV when they talk to you.
So I'm making the most of it!
Stuff you can't do at home...listen to opera at 8AM instead of watching Mike & Mike discuss sports on the boob tube (like at home in Dallas) . I tried something different this morning...I put on Pavarotti to listen to while we put on our make up and slowly woke up to face the world. It was so ethereal and beautiful that neither Ruby nor I wanted to leave for work!
But the echoes of the majestic music stayed with us as we waked to the subway and throughout the day...
And when we were figuring out later, what we wanted to cook for dinner, we were still sufficiently in the euphoria to decide that we deserved to go out for a lovely dinner (even though we were all but broke). 
I digress for a moment to explain "broke". Ruby and lost our jobs when our respective companies closed. It's tough for anyone over 40 to get a new job in the apparel business and both of us saw 40 in the rear view mirror. At least her husband was a hard working college professor, close to retirement. My spouse lost his job 2 years ago and has not been able to find anything appropriate to his talents since them. so by the time I lost mine, we had gone through most of our savings and 401K. After a few months I was able to put together a proposal for a new apparel division for a company in NY and pulled Ruby along with me to design.  I also gave my husband a sales job in Texas, so while we had a lot of losses to make up, at least we had an opportunity to get back on our feet.
So, as we were saying...we deserved to go out for a lovely dinner...
Ahhh!!!!   Nothing takes away the stench of poverty like the fragrant aroma of French cuisine at the Un ,Deux, Trois Cafe... We used to frequent that place when we travelled to NY on business and had the almighty expense account as our companion.
For a brief evening, we felt like the successful business women we were!
Our souls were well fed today and I'm confident it will make for a better day tomorrow!
Who knew how much my life was about to change!

Doggy Dilemma

My husband is the caretaker of our 2 beautiful boxers while I work in New York.  They are more happy with that arrangement then I am.
However, Mr. G is handling an unfortunate problem that has "popped up" with our male, Mr. D.   His manliness has been showing itself lately, and seems unwilling to hide.  We have taken him to the vet on several occasions.  The vet has done research on the problem, which is fairly rare, apparently, and has come to the conclusion that as long as it goes back into hiding eventually, there is nothing to be done.  A more drastic approach involves surgery - no way!!
So when this happens, M. G has to sit with Mr. D.,  armed with KY jelly, to achieve the turtle effect  through massage.  He is worried that some neighbor will see him, misinterpret the interaction, and call the ASPCA.
So, in empathy, I ask any of you if you have any insight on this particular issue - we would love some other input.
Meanwhile, Mr. G, keep the drapes closed!