Things have been a little quiet at the Dorm, so we were glad when Linny stopped by Friday night for "Group therapy" (which is what others may call "cocktail hour") We were anxious to hear how she was feeling in the aftermath of her "friend with benefits" adventure.
"Well", she said,"I found myself eating more chocolate than ever, and desperately wanting another dose of "benefits", and as luck may have it, my new best friend came back into town again last week. I was so excited about my new found sexuality that I wanted to make the most of it. I decided that it would be really provocative if I showed up at his hotel in a trench coat and sexy underwear (and nothing else!)
Wow, this was NOT the Linney WE knew. But good for her! We would never have the guts...
"So how did THAT work for you?" we asked.
Well the first thing I had to do was to buy some underwear worthy of the venue. Mine was all pretty orthopedic looking..doing the job on the inside, but nothing much to look at. So I took a deep breath and ventured into the vast frontier of ...Victoria's Secret on Herald Square.
"OHHHH!" we said. "That was challenging! 2 stories of every kind of lace trimmed contraption that lifts, seperates, pushes up and pulls in that you could ever imagine..Where does one begin????
"I found my way to the section for women that DO NOT need the extra push up padding. They had a whole department for me. $150 later I walked our proudly with my pink VS bag, feeling like a real hot young chic from the "in"`crowd. I shopped at Victoria's Secret. I had a SEX life! After a very, very, very, long time, I had finally ARRIVED!!!!
Step 2 of Operation Hot chic was to figure out how I would manage to show up at the hotel as I had envisioned. It seemed simple enough. All I had to do was take my outer clothes off in the restroom office and get from my office to hotel in my new sexy underwear, garter belt and stockings. Well, I had not worn a garter belt since I was 14. Pantyhose were invented shortly after and I never looked back. It would be like riding a bike! But just the same, I figured I would leave the garter belt until the end of the day.
I was so anxious all day I was sliding off my chair. Counting down the hours...Then the call! He was at the airport! Then, he's at the hotel!
"Do you mind if I stop by before we go out and drop off a bag?" I asked innocently. Bingo! I was ready for the execution phase!
Bring overnight bag and leather trench coat discretely to the ladies room. I forgot how small these stalls were!
Clothes off. Garter belt on. How do these things go again? One size fits all? I don't THINK so! But I WILL make it work! They won't be on long (I hope). Carefully roll up $12 stockings with the seam in the back. Don't remember them being quite this tight at the upper thigh...whoa!That's all the higher they will go up? Well, ok. So where are the little thingies to hook them up to? Appareltly VS did not account for the more ample booty of some of the "all" that their "one size was supposed to fit, and by the time I got the hook over my ass there was at least a 3"vacume to the top of the stocking. After a few mintues of twisting turning and almost gymnastic type adjustments, I got the front one hooked. Confidence buoyed but this accomplishment, I reached around the back, only to find that on of the garters was missing. It had either become disengaged when I was struggling to connect the first one or it had come that way from the store . Ok. No way to salvage this part of the plan. I looked down at my nursing home white legs laced with spider veins and thought, "I don't care how trendy it is to go bare legged, these babies are not ready for the light of day." I'll just stop and buy panthose.
Last finishing touch, a strand of pearls. I always feel less naked with pearls! It adds a nice touch of class and will make me feel less "hookerish". Ok wrap twice...then I got them caught in my hair. Just one little tug and...the sound of a dozen or so white plastic baubbles spilling all over the restroom floor. Thank God no one else was there. Ok plan B on the pearls had to be "No pearls".
So I guess that was it. Thankfully I realized that the trench coat was a little snug this year and opened all the way up to Disneyland when I walked, so I pulled on a black skirt. But what kind of an impact would it be to take off my coat and still be partially clothed? This plan was getting watered down to the extent that maybe I should save it for later.
So as I stopped by Duane Reade and bought pantyhose, my phone was buzzing because I was now 20 minutes late. Nice. This guy flys to NY to have a date with me and I keep him waiting 20 minutes.I asked the clerk where the restroom was so I could slip on the pantyhose and be on my way. "It's just down the street at the other Duane Reade".
So I did what anyone else would do in my situation, I found what appeared to be a deserted row in the store and very discretly started putting on my pantyhose. I was on the second leg in the most compromising position when a man came around the corner. Eyes opened wide, he quickly backed up and to the next asile! At least someone got a cheap thrill tonight!
So I showed up at his door, dressed like a lady and did not surprise him at all, but it did not keep the evening from being every bit as wonderful as the first! ( and he DID appreciate the underwear eventually!)
We were happy to see Linny so happy. She tod good stories, too!
The moral of the story that we took away:
It's good to get out of your comfort zone ( especially when you are our age!) Just know your limitations!
Go for it!
Meredith
